She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
