Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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