I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
