cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
