my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
