She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
