worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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