That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
