Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
