Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
