Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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