His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
