Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
