Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
