No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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