i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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