after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
