I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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