The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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