he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
