please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
