All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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