if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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