It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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