Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
