I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
