Kiss
Puke
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
