the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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