from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
