you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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