Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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