yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
