Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
