What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
