I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
