Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
