My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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