there's paper in my vomit.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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