Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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