I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
God, I missed his penis.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
