I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yo dont text me then not text me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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