Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
