I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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