At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
