margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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