Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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