bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
