I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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