weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
