I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
