I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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