i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
